Random Facts

Have you seen it?  The new trending post on Facebook?  Basically, it’s the “random facts” –  except it’s completely about pregnancy.  I don’t begrudge  women being pregnant.  Well, maybe a little.  Ok, a lot.  Those posts kinda feel like a big fat squeeze of lemon into a gaping, oozing wound.  Yeah.  Ouch.  Most days I do really good.  But some days, the bitterness consumes me.  I can fight and fight that little green monster but there are days that I’m exhausted just from smiling!

smiling

This past week, I finally saw an endocrinologist.  I’ve been suspicious of some issues for quite a while, but I guess I’ve been partly afraid to actually address them.  Mainly because, if they come back positive, it is going to mean a RADICAL change in lifestyle for me.  The Dr that I saw said that he was “AMAZED at the array of autoimmune diseases” in my family.  We REALLY are a smorgasbord of them, I’d not really thought of it before!  One of the autoimmune diseases that seems to run rampant in my family is Celiac.  Tonight, I found and read through a list of 300 symptoms that absolutely SHOCKED ME!!  I literally caught myself gasping a few times!!  Anxiety, asthma, chronic fatigue, depression, insomnia, heartburn, irritability, sperm abnormalities, miscarriage, infertility.  Seriously mind-boggling stuff!!  I’m incredibly anxious for the results to come back.  But regardless, there are going to be some major changes to meals in the McNabb household!!

no_junk_food-211x300

ANYWAY!  I decided – since so many people are sharing their random facts about their being pregnant, that I would share some random facts about my NOT being pregnant!  The decision that I made to share what we are going through was not an easy one.  I had MANY, MANY nights of sleeplessness before I actually made the decision to just put it all out there.  I still have sleepless nights, but mostly just because of hormones now!!  Sharing isn’t for everyone.  This journey is still very private and even embarrassing and this is just a glimpse into some of the emotions and struggles that we deal with every single day.  I had to make sure that my husband was okay with my sharing as much as I have also, because he is RIGHT NEXT to me through this whole thing.  I haven’t forgotten for one single second that this affects him just as much as me!

So, I am giving myself the number 5!  Ladies on this journey, PLEASE, put your random facts in the comments!!  I LOVE learning about people!

  1. My “aunt” first came to town when I was 10 years old!  And she was BRUTAL when she did!  I even remember one doctor telling me that I “may have trouble” getting pregnant when I was older.  BOY, was he right!!
  2. Our infertility issues were originally thought to be contributed to my PCOS, but have more recently been termed “unexplained” by my RE.
  3. It drives me absolutely INSANE when women complain about being pregnant!!  I wish I could make them see what a GIFT it is!!  I wouldn’t complain to someone with no legs about how I hate standing up for long periods of time!
  4. We have had one miscarriage and three failed IUI attempts.
  5. I hate it when people tell me to ‘just’ relax or that we can ‘just’ adopt.  There is no ‘just’ doing anything.  Relaxing will not make more eggs grow inside of me.  Adopting will not cure my infertility, just a symptom of it.  Everything that is done on this journey is calculated and pondered and prayed about for a long time.  So when/if we get to the point of adopting, we won’t be “just” doing anything.

I realize that I probably make a LOT of people uncomfortable with how open I am about the journey that we are on – but I don’t share for “them”.  I share for me…

silent

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Random Facts

  1. I’m hoping you get answers soon. It’s just so frustrating! I’m not on fb anymore, so I haven’t seen the random fact thing- I’m glad too because I wouldn’t be able to handle it. But I can certainly do 5 random facts about this battle:
    1. I don’t trust doctors and I can’t even see my regular OB now because I feel like they contributed to my 3 losses, they didn’t even offer any testing.
    2. I hate when I see a mom screaming at her children. It makes my blood boil! I always just want to go up and yell at those moms!
    3. I’ve had close to 50 vials of blood drawn in the last 6 months.
    4. I have PCOS, but was only diagnosed at age 30 when we started seeing an RE after my 3rd loss (see what I mean about my stupid OB?)
    5. The hardest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life are : ” I’m sorry there is no longer a heartbeat.
    So there are my random infertility facts. I truly admire your ability to share your journey. I think people need to be educated and we shouldn’t stay silent, I’m just not strong enough yet.

    • It is frustrating to not have answers! Thank you for sharing your facts and I’m sorry that YOU don’t have answers… I can understand your timidity in trusting them, though. I agree about mom’s screaming at their children, but I hate it just as much when I see a child completely misbehaving and the parents just ignoring them! LOL! That’s a LOT of blood to be drawn for the amount of answers that you have! If I were you, I would be finding someone else, PRONTO! I’m very sorry for your losses. ❤ I completely agree that people need to be educated! But not everyone is meant to be educators! I think that we are all just a little bit stronger than we realize, but don't ever feel GUILTY for not sharing. Your journey is just that – YOURS. When the time is right, you will have the perfect words to say. Your encouragement to those that share is priceless! In that way, you are very strong!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s