Can I Say That?

Well, its come.  And its gone.  Christmas is like a dream – it all happens so fast, that you can barely remember all the details.  All the hustle and bustle, hurry up and wait and then it’s gone.  *poof*

smoke

My poor husband and I spent this Christmas sick as can be.  We mustered the strength to spend Christmas Eve with his family, and that was very enjoyable – as always.  I had some trouble making it through the night without tears, but by about the 10th breakdown of the day, I was learning to hide the tears very well.  Plus, being sick, I had something to blame the sniffles on!  We did our traditional “Dirty Santa” gift exchange and I must say – we came out the big winners!  One of the rules is that, a gift can only be owned by 3 people.  Once the third person has it in their possession, it’s frozen!  When my brother-in-law opened a ginormous mug with Mickey Mouse on it, I KNEW it had to be mine!  I coolly waited my turn and then went in for the kill, making me the second owner.  Thankfully, my husband and I make the BEST team.  He stole it from me and – VICTORY!  (You know, what’s his is mine, and what’s mine is mine!)  When I say GINORMOUS mug, I mean GINORMOUS mug!!  After that we did our traditional, draw-a-name gift exchange hosted by none other than my husband – Santa Jon.  Seriously though, I wish he wasn’t trying to grow his beard out to truly fit the role.

mug

We made it home about 10pm that night and by then, I was MISERABLE!  I know that when we first got home, my temp was hovering around 100 degrees.  It was straight to bed for me, and straight to the couch for my husband – my coughing could have woke the dead.  It felt GREAT to sleep in on a Wednesday!  For a brief second after I woke up, I had to fight the urge to take down all of our Christmas decorations, but then my inner voice kicked my butt into submission and pushed me onto the couch – where I remained parked all day.  When hubby joined me, we began a movie marathon.  My only requirement was – NO CHRISTMAS MOVIES!

Then this morning, first thing at work, I decided to do some digging.  I know that Kentucky is NOT a fertility friendly state.  (only country I know that would rather give women free birth control than try to help a woman become pregnant.  But that’s another book blog.)  The company my husband and I both work for acquired a new insurance carrier this year.  As I started to look online at their policies, I saw a VERY promising line – one that made my heart & stomach collide and do a little dance.  “Covered Services: Infertility”  They continued to tango until I was on the phone with the agent from the insurance company and they assured me that, while the insurance company DOES offer those services, that our state doesn’t mandate that coverage and our company hadn’t elected that to be one of the benefits of the extra money we would be paying into our sub par policies.  I then proceeded to call 3 different supplemental agencies only to be reminded that – people don’t want to be REMINDED that there are women out there that have trouble getting/can’t get pregnant naturally, therefore there is no insurance to COVER it!  We seriously need to move.  But ANYWAY!

wish you were here

Some parts were not so great.  Some parts were really great.  I got to speak with someone who I hadn’t spoken with in quite a long time, someone who means SO much to me.  I always hear people say how they didn’t realize how much they missed someone until they talked to them again…  I don’t know HOW that can be true.  Speaking to this person only reminded me just HOW MUCH I had missed them.  What a blessing!

With all that said – I’m glad it’s over.  Can I say that?!  I feel like such a Scrooge!!  But it’s never been truer than this year!  I am SO ready for 2014 to start.  I’m ready for hope and blessings and maybe even a miracle thrown in.

always believe

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10 thoughts on “Can I Say That?

  1. Nessa Zanto says:

    This time of year is so hard when you are going through infertility. I remember the last 6 years well. Each year, I noticed I was putting up less and less Christmas decorations. I totally get it. I will continue to pray for you guys! If I wasn’t completely tapped out from my own 7 year long infertility journey, I would be donating to you in a heartbeat! But until I have a little extra cash, I’ll just keep sending prayers your way!!!!

      • Nessa Zanto says:

        I very much get it, lady!!! I truly do. I know how hard it is when you are doing everything you can to hold it together then you hop on FB and there is a big old ultrasound staring you down, testing every fiber of strength in your body. And I still have soooo many people on my friends list going through this horrible journey. So while I don’t want to completely isolate all of you in the middle of it from the details of my pregnancy (because that sucks too) this way, everyone has the choice check it out if you are feeling up to it. It’s so hard to balance that happiness you have for others and the sadness you feel for your own journey. I pray you are right behind me!!!!! And hopefully, my story gives you a little more hope.

  2. Praying for you this 2014! Keep hoping and believing in God because with Him, all things are possible. He moves mountains. He heals. He can work around insurance companies. There is nothing He can do! Hugs!

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