Some days are easier than others. Some I can plaster a smile and crack jokes and laugh louder than anyone. Other days it’s all I can do to not cry. Some days, hope is one of those words that I hold tightly to… and other days, it hides.
In school, we learn that a noun is a word used to describe a person, place or thing, while a verb is an action word. Hope, as a noun, means “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” As a verb, means ” intend, if possible, to do something.”
Infertility is a noun. But my response? A verb. There’s no ‘if possible’ about it – I intend to be a mother.
Women who battle infertility have to do things that we never expected to have to do. We take our temps first thing in the morning before we even get out of bed. We chart our cervical mucus (*ewww*). We have way too many different people explore our sacred places in hopes of answers. We have an intimately familiar love/hate relationship with Mr. Dildocam (ultrasound wand). We take pills that give us bad mood swings. We inject ourselves with medications that give us WORSE mood swings. We risk damaging, or worse yet losing, our reproductive organs in hopes of reproducing. We shatter when our dreams slip through our fingers. But – we get up, dust ourselves off and try again faster than most kids can get over dropping their ice cream off the cone on a hot day. And if you asked any one of us if it was worth it… we’d all say yes before you finished the question. Otherwise, we wouldn’t keep trying again and again.
It’s a pricey process – emotionally and financially. Some women are extremely lucky, and others – not so much. Unfortunately, we fall into the latter category. The multi-billion dollar corporation that my husband and I work for has got just about the WORST insurance coverage when it comes to infertility. Which leaves us in a spot that – quite frankly – makes me kinda uncomfortable.
A few months ago I wrote a blog about something that we are doing in order to make hope a verb for us.
I try so hard not to inundate people with the link. I don’t want to be that annoying person that is asking people for money every day. But really, that’s what we are doing. And the response has truly warmed my heart. These days, it’s not easy to part with a hard-earned dollar. But every single time I log onto our YouCaring account and see that someone has donated – I am reduced to tears. Every single contribution makes us feel like YOU believe in our miracle as much as WE do! And that is an indescribable feeling!
Hope isn’t just something that we have in our hearts. It’s something that we see every time someone sends an encouraging word. Or reminds us that they are praying for us. Or tells us how our strength is inspiring. Or adds a dollar to our fund.
We TRULY, TRULY thank you from the bottom of our hearts!!!