A Million Doors

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine wrote a blog that was simply amazing.  I know I’ve said it so many times, but I’m constantly surprised at how identifiable and interchangeable every single emotion that women battling infertility feel are.  I read/hear/watch stories and I think “That’s ME!”

Another thing that we all have in common is that person (or those people) that says things with the best of intentions, but end up hurting us anyway.

hurting woman

“That wasn’t my intention”.  “I say it with the best of intentions”.  We’ve ALL heard it before – and not just those dealing with infertility.  But that’s the thing about intentions – even when you have the most sincere heart, when there’s an open wound it’s going to hurt.  It may not make the statement any less true, but it certainly doesn’t make it any less painful.

There’s a certain stigma when it comes to infertility that is hard to get past.  “Why don’t you just adopt?”  “If you just relax, you’ll get pregnant.”  “It’ll happen when you’re not thinking about it.”  Usually followed by – “My best friend’s aunt’s cousin’s neighbor’s daughter dealt with infertility and as soon as she gave up, she got pregnant!!”

While I’m so happy for the couples that beat infertility, I can GUARANTEE you that no amount of relaxing is what caused them to get pregnant.

A woman can be as relaxed as can be, but every time her and her husband share an intimate moment, it’s followed by the thought “Was that it?!”

And often, those that struggle with infertility for many years have a LOT of medical issues to overcome, and just like relaxing won’t make cancer go away, it won’t treat infertility.  But I’ll blog more about that next week for National Infertility Awareness Week!!  (I know, two blogs in as many weeks!!)

People think that, when they hear stories of infertility that they have to say something. It’s human nature to want to fix something when it doesn’t work the way it should and I certainly don’t fault anyone for it.


But sometimes…  I just want to vent or rant or cry or scream – and I just want someone to listen.  To remind me that it’s okay to not be okay.  That it’s okay to be frustrated.  That it’s okay to cry when I read a story about a woman who killed all of her babies.  That it’s ok to feel a twinge of jealousy when I see that telling bump.  That it’s ok to feel like life just isn’t fair sometimes.  But to know that just because I’m feeling that way, doesn’t mean I’m going to live there.

This journey can feel so lonely.  So, what can you do – as a friend, sister, mother, aunt – for someone who you know that is dealing with something that you just aren’t sure how to handle?


A text, card, Facebook message that simply says “I’m thinking of you and praying for you.”  If you want to be particularly brilliant, try saying  What can I do?  How can I help?  Do you want to talk?  (And that doesn’t just apply to infertility!)

There are some days that there is nothing to be done.  And other days you may get the answer “I don’t want to talk about it.”  Please don’t take it personally.  It’s not that we don’t want to talk to YOU, it may just be that we are balancing precariously on that ledge and talking about anything may send us spiraling into the dark hole that we just clawed our way out of.  When we are ready, we will remember that you asked and we WILL come find you!

It has meant so much to me when someone I haven’t heard from in a very long time – or even someone I talk to daily – reaches out to just say “I see you struggling, and I’m praying for you.”  Nothing grandiose there, but so very meaningful.

A while ago, I found myself saying  “I’ll pray for you”  when I saw a status update or got a text from a friend requesting it.  But then after some time passed, I’d see their name again and think  “Crap.  You blew it on that one, D.”  After reading a devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministries, I was convicted about saying those words and not following through.  So I promised myself – if I was going to say those words, I was going to stop right then and there and say a prayer for that person, so that I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to bless them!

Every day we are given the opportunity to brighten someone’s day.  A smile.  A note.  A kind gesture.  Jason Gray says in his song, With Every Act Of Love, “God put a million, millions doors in the world for His love to walk through.  One of those doors is you.  With every act of love, we bring the Kingdom come.”

Will you commit with me to speak no more empty phrases?  To say what you mean, and mean what you say?  Will you open one of those million, million doors and let His love walk through?



13 thoughts on “A Million Doors

  1. I am right there with you….I REFUSE to say I am praying for you or I will pray for you unless I really am doing it!!! I make a point that if I write it in a comment line on a blog or facebook status, that I do it right then. If I don’t, the devil always preoccupies my mind with something and I end up forgetting. Thanks for sharing!


  2. Me too! My memory gets so bad so I only say I’ll pay if I do it right there and then.
    And as for relax, I have actually responded the past few times with “Relaxing doesn’t clear fallopian tubes “. Does create an awkward moment, but better than the drawn out high pitched response of me saying “I do relax..” etc.
    Great blog 🙂

    • My memory is bad, too!! Lol!

      And yes, relaxing doesn’t clear tubes, grow sperm, remove cysts, etc!! It’s awkward but I kinda relish the awkwardness at this point!! Haha! And thank you!!!

  3. This is so great, friend. Thank you for sharing this! I am guilty of the ‘I’ll pray for you’ deal. Like Elisha, I’m trying to pray right in the moment, too. This is a great post. Sometimes, I wish we all lived closer! Hugs!

    • Thank you!! And thank you for READING it!! I find that when I pray in the moment, it also helps me to remember to pray for them in my daily prayers!! I wish we all lived closer, too!! Thanks again!!

  4. I’m in the same boat! I came across your blog from a post on Resolve’s facebook page. My husband and I have been TTC for 7 years, 4 failed IUI’s and 1 failed IVF cycle. I have PCOS and he has an extremely low sperm count. Sometimes I just want to cry and others I try to put it in the back of my mind.

    • I’m glad you found me!! We’ve only had 3 failed IUI’s and we are currently saving for IVF! We have a lot in common!! I also have PCOS and hubby has a VERY sporadic sperm count – one day it’s perfect, another there’s NOTHING!! (He did take a Men’s Vitality vitamin from GNC that seemed to help a LOT!)

      I totally know what you mean about some days being better than others!! But we are strong women!! Hang in there and keep your head up!!

  5. Evangeline Colbert says:

    I just found your blog today and I’m happy about it! I love that you have intentional hope and that you let your kindness and strength shine through. Blessings!

    • Thank you so much!! I like that phrase “intentional hope”! It’s so fitting!! Sometimes it’s not easy to be hopeful, but when we have the intention of doing so, it has a way of permeating everything we do!! I do my best to let kindness shine through and the strength that I have isn’t of my will, but God’s!! Thank you, again!! Blessings to you also!!

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