Have you ever thought about the word ‘just’? I think people use it too flippantly these days. It’s used as an answer to almost every solution. Here is a list of my favorite ‘just’ solutions for infertility:
- ‘Just relax’ (been there)
- ‘Just let go/don’t stress/don’t think about it’ (done that)
- ‘Just drink a bottle of wine’ (drank LOTS of that)
- ‘Just try artificial insemination/IVF’ (yup, done some of that, too)
- ‘Just adopt’
Here’s my little nugget of wisdom. Get a pen and a piece of paper and take notes… Go ahead, I’ll wait. Ready?
There is no ‘just’ about anything that has to do with any painful situation.
Any situation where a decision needs to be made that could significantly alter the outcome of an original perception requires intense discussion, pondering and most importantly, prayer.
As most of the people in our lives know (and heck, any stranger who will listen), J and I are in the process of adoption. After our unsuccessful battle with infertility, we did some soul-searching and praying and decided that it wasn’t as important for us to be pregnant as it was for us to be parents.
November is National Adoption Awareness Month. In 1976 in Massachusetts, Governor Mike Dukakis proclaimed National Adoption Week. President Gerald Ford made the first National Adoption Week proclamation and in 1990, the week was extended to a month due to the excitement and participation by so many people and states. There’s even one day of the month that is proclaimed as National Adoption Day and many adoptions are finalized all at the same time! I just think that’s neat!
I have been criticized VERY harshly in the last couple days about the way I see adoption (as an amazing blessing), even to the point where I was told that I don’t deserve to have children and that me not being able to get pregnant must have been God’s way of telling us that we shouldn’t be parents and that there is no way that I could ever love an adopted child unconditionally because we HAVE to adopt and not WANT to adopt due to infertility.
The “conversation” – a term I use VERY loosely as it was more just overly assertive, opinionated people trying to get everyone else to believe exactly the way that they do rather than hear what anyone else has to say – escalated very quickly and left me feeling ashamed, embarrassed, scared, naïve and unprepared, to say the very least.
But as I remove myself from the “support group” – HA – that I got the criticism from, I realize that my opinion is just that. MINE.
Every parent is frightened before they have their first child. Ever parent wonders if they’ve screwed up monumentally along the way. But every parent loves their child in an unconditional way that can’t be judged, deemed unworthy, viewed incorrectly or questioned by anyone else.
I say again: Biology is the LEAST of what makes someone a parent!
I am beyond excited to meet the child that we will give a forever home to and love with every single nook and cranny of our hearts. My heart pines and my arms ache for our child to come home.
To be woken repeatedly through the night to take care of someone who needs me. To hear the pitter-patter of little feet. To see daddy holding on to the bicycle seat while running alongside. To wipe away tears after a broken heart. To celebrate Mother’s and Father’s Day from the inside.
And to the parents who love their child enough to make the painful, selfless decision to entrust them to us to love them enough for all of us, my heart will be eternally grateful.
We all have learning to do, growth to be made, challenges to be met, disappointments to face, joy to share… And in this month of awareness, I know that I am learning and growing. I’m facing challenges and disappointment. But the joy that I will be able to share will be so worth it.
Home Study: $1,500
Background Checks: $250
Legal Fees: Cost undetermined
Having a child to call our own: Priceless