Today, I had to do something that was painstakingly difficult and surprisingly easy.
In my third blog, I spoke of someone who was very close to me that I had learned was pregnant. This person has made some VERY bad decisions in their life. She lost EVERYTHING due to her lack of judgment and that desire for that next fix. I’ve NEVER understood the allure and pull of drugs. They seem to reach in and grasp this part of people and then just squeeze tighter and tighter until the person you used to know no longer exists.
I watched this person go from someone who was so beautiful and full of life, to someone who just didn’t care what was going on around them as long as they had that poison running through their system. I remember the very first time I saw the warning signs. I tried years before to coerce those that loved her into some form of an ‘intervention’, but was never able to succeed in that attempt. After I saw those warning signs rear their ugly head again, I tried to say something to this person. I’ll let you imagine how that went.
This person was always so perky, almost annoyingly so sometimes. Happy, fun, energetic, smart, engaging, funny. People seemed to be drawn to her. And she was an AMAZING mother. Sure, there were things that she did that probably wouldn’t have earned her the Mother of the Year award, but I’m sure that can be said for any and every mother. But she loved her son. He’s impossible to not love, but she spoiled him like crazy! She expected him to obey, but rewarded him richly for doing so. And oh, how that boy loved his mother.
Her powers of persuasion were honed to an art form. She could make just about anyone believe just about anything. Manipulation, I would even dare call it most times. I guess that’s what may have gotten her into so much trouble in the world she’s so ensnared in.
After a particular visit where she met all of my friends, I remember vividly thinking “I may never see her again”. I was almost right. I saw her once a couple of years later when my husband and I went for a visit and she finally got to meet him. I use the term very loosely, because I doubt it would even be remembered through the chemical haze.
We haven’t spoken in quite a few years, and to be honest, I prefer it that way. Her life has spiraled so unbelievably far beyond control. I no longer know this person – AT ALL. Making the decision to remove this person from my life and inform others that I wanted no further information in regards to them was EXTREMELY difficult. I still love this person VERY much. I’ve been told that I am a cold-hearted, uncaring person by many people very close to me. But I am a FIRM believer that there is absolutely, positively, undeniably no helping someone who doesn’t want to first help themselves and sometimes, a little – or a lot of – tough love is just what’s necessary.
When I learned that this person was pregnant, it rocked me to my core. She had proven that she was selfish, but to get pregnant while ingesting/injecting/smoking multiple illegal drugs was just inconceivable to me! Child abuse in its earliest form. It seemed so unfair! So many couples in this world that live pure, clean lives, spend thousands of dollars and have to trust that science will take over where their bodies have failed them – and yet the people who seem the most undeserving take it for granted. That poor life that didn’t ask to be brought into this world, let alone a situation so awful! And when that baby girl was born (exactly 3 weeks before my husband and I would have been due to deliver our blessing), she tested positive for multiple illegal drugs. CPS actually placed the baby with someone who could provide for her and take care of her and love her through the withdrawal process.
I believe that children need to be with their mothers. I also believe that in some situations, being with the mother isn’t a decision that should be based solely on genetics. These babies that are born into situations where there are drugs and dangerous people around can’t speak for themselves, so the people who love them must do it for them. What I did today won’t be received kindly by some, and that’s ok. Good intentions are often misunderstood. But it needed to be done.
I found out that, even though this person is not clean, they are trying to gain custody of their child. So – I prayed. And then I wrote. I pled to whom it may concern to take all the facts into consideration. An email addressed to the lawyers that would hopefully succeed in preventing that precious, innocent life from being handed over to a woman who could potentially, possibly even unintentionally, place that child in harm’s way. From a woman who has had many, many opportunities to straighten out her life, yet hasn’t. It gets harder every day to believe that she actually will. However, I know that my God can perform miracles. In fact, I’m kinda counting on it!
Today, I had to do something that was painstakingly difficult and surprisingly easy. But it had to be done.