One of THOSE Days

When dealing with infertility, some days are better than others.

Who am I kidding?  A day is a LONG time.

When dealing with infertility, some minutes are better than others.

I NEVER knew that I could feel so many emotions at once.  In fact, most of them are conflicting.

Lately I’ve been doing pretty good.  I’ve been pretty even-tempered and content.  But apparently, life wanted to reteach me lessons I’ve already learned.

Today (now yesterday) started out as a great day.  And it stayed that way most of the day.  And then…

And then, I tried to update my iPhone.  And lost EVERYTHING.  Pictures, data, contacts, dr’s appointments, fertility information.

When you’re as OCD as I am and you keep all things TTC in your phone – temps, dr’s appts, cycles, symptoms – and you lose everything, it feels like you’ve lost a limb.

Even if you aren’t OCD, being thrust into the world of infertility will change all of that.  You will document everything.  You will put it on your calendar.  You will save every doctor’s phone number and address.  You will download MANY apps to track every. possible. symptom.  And if you lose it all, it’s devastating.

Infertility will change a LOT of things about you.  After walking in the storm for awhile,  you will soon realize you aren’t the same person that walked into it.

My faith is very important to me.

I trust that God knows exactly how this will all end.  I pray every day that it will end the way I dream, but more importantly, I pray that His will be done and that I will not be too stubborn or bitter to accept it.

There are days that I cry.  There are days that I scream.  There are days that I smile.  There are days that I talk.  There are days that I don’t say a word.

And they are all the right way to handle my emotions.

I’ve found that I have to let myself feel every emotion I have as they come, or it turns into something much worse later.  But I’ll go into that tomorrow.

Tonight, I’m just going to sit here and process.  And get all of my Dr’s phone numbers off the internet so I can call tomorrow and find out when our appointments are again.

And then I’m going to go to Walmart and buy a calendar and a journal so that I won’t have another one of THOSE days.

P.S.  Sorry this blog is more of a rant than an informative, National Infertility Awareness Week blog post!  But I guess that’s life, huh?!