For those of you that are friends with me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram, you know that I made a post a bit ago that alluded to an emotional decision. This is the blog that is going to explain that decision.
I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mommy. I remember as a little girl subjecting my dolls to diaper changes and baths and feedings. I have worked with children in so many different capacities and it has always been the one thing that has made my heart feel full.
Infertility has attempted to take that from me.
It has attempted to take the excitement I would feel when I see a pregnant woman.
It has attempted to take the joy I would feel when I would go to see a friend of mine who had gone into labor or had a baby.
It has attempted to take the giddiness I would feel when thinking about a baby-making opportunity with my husband.
Infertility has attempted to replace those feelings with jealousy, anxiety, feelings of failure, sadness.
And most days, infertility has won those battles. But infertility won’t win the war.
After 32 long months of prayer, heartaches and long conversations with J, the fact remains that our calling in life is simple.
To be parents.
If there is one lesson I have learned REPEATEDLY, it is that biology is the VERY LEAST of what makes someone a parent.
After our 3rd failed IUI, as I was messaging J through the sobs and tears, he made a comment that I have never forgotten. “I know how badly you want this, and I do, too. But maybe there’s a child out there that needs US more than we need this.”
And with that on our hearts, we have decided to stop pursuing the avenue of IVF and go full steam ahead down the path of adoption.
I can’t lie and say that there isn’t a small part of me that feels like I am “letting go” of the dream of seeing our biological child look at me through their daddy’s eyes. It would have been a welcome miracle to get pregnant, but to have the opportunity to be a miracle to a child that otherwise may not have a chance? Now THAT’S big!
We have changed our IVF fundraiser to an Adoption fundraiser and will hopefully soon be having a homestudy done in order to move one step closer to building our family!
I have SO many emotions and nerves! I constantly find myself wondering whether I will actually be a good mom… But I guess it’s one of those things you can’t really study for. You just jump in the deep end and learn to swim as you go!
I know that this process can take quite a long time, so J and I would GREATLY appreciate all of the prayer and good thoughts you can send our way!
If you’d like to check out our fundraiser (or donate!) you can find it at www.youcaring.com/munchkin-mcnabb
You can also “like” our Facebook page – Munchkin McNabb
Thank you SO much to all of you for your support and love through our journey!! We are so amazingly grateful!!