Well, I made it through Thanksgiving! The biggest accomplishment of it all? I didn’t even CRY!!! I had to pull myself together quite a few times, but not ONCE did those little moist menaces blaze a trail down my cheeks! While a large part of the suckiness is that we are facing another holiday without a baby, the other part is that – I MISS MY FAMILY! Yes, it was my choice to move to Kentucky. Yes, it’s my choice to STAY in Kentucky. But that does NOT make it stink any less! ESPECIALLY when I go online to look at the price of plane tickets!
I’ve been watching people do the “Thankful” posts on Facebook… You know, the ones where they take a break from complaining about EVERY. SINGLE. THING in their lives for 30 days to express the things they should be thankful for every day? Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT saying that they’re NOT thankful for those things all year-long, it would just be nice to see Facebook flooded with posts of thanks and love all year, rather than just one month. I started doing them at the beginning of the month. First – I’m not very good with keeping up with things like that. Second – while I can be as gushy and sentimental as I feel here, I almost feel … uncomfortable … doing it on Facebook. (Weird, I know.) Third – I’ve NEVER been one to follow trends. Fourth – after watching both my mother and my mother in law battle cancer the last two years, I’m thankful every day.
This is the 3rd year I’ve spent Thanksgiving with my husband and his family. Part of his family was missing also, as his sister and her husband and children are in Florida and couldn’t be with us. Every year, they go around the table and everyone says what they are thankful for. I was thankful that every time one of them said they were thankful for family, I felt like I was included in that. I KNOW that they all consider me family. I consider them family as well. It still just touches me in a place I can’t quite describe to be reminded that they do. Although, as much as I loved being around the table with them, my heart was hurting to be home in California with the other half of my family. My side of the family hasn’t had a Thanksgiving together in probably 8 or 9 years, partly because I moved away, but also for reasons that are another blog entirely. I still remember little traditions that we had and I seem to miss them more when the times come around that those traditions were carried out. As I read through a blog earlier by A Hundred Affections, I was reminded just how much traditions shape us as we grow. Those memories NEVER fade. Though, it seems, the ones that dull suddenly come rushing back when presented with a mere vision of how life WAS. I will forever be thankful for those memories.
As we all migrated to the living room to stretch out and relax after stuffing ourselves, conversation flowed freely. The kids were running in and out and up and down and all over, like they always do! At one point, my nephew came in to tattle on his sister. I have never been a fan of tattling. When I owned my child care, they KNEW that I simply wouldn’t tolerate it. I feel like children need to figure out how to resolve conflicts as early as they can without having to resort to some kind of interference on an authority figure’s behalf – as, if they don’t, it will only transform them into those people who run to management or whoever when they have issues later on in life. Anyway! As JW insisted that he “wasn’t tattling, she just won’t do what I want,” I imparted some of my “wisdom” on him about what tattling really was. No matter how long I am on this journey, I am NEVER prepared for the question that came from the friend of the family – “Dacina, why aren’t YOU a mom yet? You seem to have ALL the right answers for these kids!” “Uh. Um. Well. Uh. Yeah. We’re trying.” (not so wordy now, huh?!)
The temperatures out here have been on a steady decline the last month or so. It even SNOWED the other night! There is just something about snow that is so peaceful and magical to me. Having lived in a town for a large part of my life that would bring snow storms to dump amounts as tall as I was, watching the snowflakes fall automatically takes me to this peacefully reminiscent place in my mind. I know people think I’m crazy when I say this, but I LOVE the sound of the falling snow. “Snow doesn’t make a sound”, you say. I say, listen next time! That quiet whisper you hear in the air when it’s snowing are those magical flakes touching everything and blanketing the world around you in newness. I can’t think of anything else that can completely transform everything in my view as efficiently and beautifully as snow.
This picture taken by Me
I’m REALLY hoping for a White Christmas this year. More than that, I’m hoping that I can make it through Christmas as tear-free as I made it through Thanksgiving! I’m prepared for it to NOT be as easy, however. Even just thinking about it I can feel those bullies tugging at my ducts! But, I’m going to put on my big girl panties, wrap the presents, decorate, play Christmas music, buy presents and generally put on the performance of a LIFETIME. If I leave the room for a minute unannounced, just know this – I may not be ok at that moment, but I will be.
Love, Marriage, Still No Baby Carriage 